


Fine (But Only for You)

by ryelined



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overthinking, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryelined/pseuds/ryelined
Summary: Tooru Oikawa has thick, thick walls.  Only Koushi Sugawara can bring them down.  The worst part?  He doesn't even have to try.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been three days. Three days since his last text. 

_Don’t worry. I’m figuring it out._

_Don’t worry_?! Koushi’s been playing the text over and over again in his mind since he read it, and not a single time has it made him feel any better. And the fact that he hasn’t heard anything since is only driving him more and more crazy. 

“What’s with that face, Suga?” Shouyou’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts. He looks up to see the ginger crouched over him, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. Koushi’s brain stalls for a second. Nobody on the team knows about him and Tooru yet. Not that he wants to keep anything from them, he just hasn’t found the right time to tell them. He doesn’t really know what the right time looks like, but it’s certainly not now.

“I was making a face?” he laughs with a forced smile. Shouyou doesn’t seem to buy it.

“Yeah,” he huffs. “You’ve been frowning at your phone for, like, days. What’s wrong?” Shouyou’s bluntness throws Koushi off-guard, and his fake smile wavers for a moment. Of course Shouyou would see right through him; he’s far more perceptive than people give him credit for. Koushi sighs and slumps his shoulders as Shouyou sits down beside him on the bench. Around them, the other volleyball team members continue on with practice, unaware.

“I’m just worried about a friend, that’s all.” Tooru is definitely not a _friend_ , but Shouyou doesn’t need to know that. “I think they’re in trouble, but they’re…” The next word catches in his throat. “... _Ignoring_ me…”

“Well,” Shouyou starts matter-of-factly, “just go see them!” Koushi groans and buries his head in his hands.

“It’s not that simple.” Koushi hates to admit it, but he doesn’t know Tooru well enough to know what to do in this situation. He knows lots of things about him, sure. Like that he owns a weird amount of alien-themed clothes, and the way his voice gets louder and louder when he’s really excited about something, and how, when he wants to be, he can be so sweet he could have anyone wrapped around his finger in an instant. But, despite all of that, he has no idea what’s going through Tooru’s head right now.

If it were any of his other friends, of course Koushi would have gone to check on them at the first sign of trouble. He cares too much to wait and see if they work through things on their own. Koushi understands better than most that even when people say they’re fine, having a shoulder to lean on can make a tremendous difference. But… for some reason… he can’t bring himself to text Tooru and ask how he’s doing, much less go and see him. He’s a pretty independent person, so Koushi’s main fear is that Tooru will get upset with him. That he’ll call him clingy and cast him away.

 _I’m figuring it out_ . What does that even mean? The text had come after a decline of communication that had come out of nowhere. Things had been going great, better than great really. Good enough that Koushi’d thought that he was going to _have_ to tell his team about them, because he couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. And all of a sudden, Koushi helplessly watched Tooru’s replies become shorter and shorter until he’d stopped replying all together.

And now it’s been three days. They hadn’t even gone a single day without talking since the Seijoh setter had slyly slipped his number into Koushi’s pocket after their practice match. Koushi’s gut reaction is to assume that Tooru had gotten bored with him, but he’d never seemed distant. Just sad. However, with each passing day with no news from Tooru, and without anyone to vent to, he can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, the voice in the back of his head is right.

“I see,” Shouyou hums, pulling Koushi out of his thoughts. He silently thanks him for not pressing for more information, whether that’d been a conscious decision or not. “But you seem pretty upset about this.” The observation makes Koushi realize just how miserable he must be if his friends have already caught on. “I don’t think you have a choice.”

“You’re right,” Koushi sighs in defeat. It’s not that he doesn’t want Tooru to be okay, he just isn’t sure what will be waiting for him there. Will he send him away, tell him that he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore?

“Plus,” Shouyou kneads his chin, as if in deep thought. “You said you think they’re in trouble right? That’s what I’d want someone to do for me if I were in their shoes.” That’s right. Tooru’s in trouble. Something’s wrong with him, not with Koushi. He’s worrying about all this made-up stuff in his head while he could be helping Tooru.

“Thanks, Hinata.” The ginger beams at him and wishes him the best of luck. With a deep breath, Koushi forces a wave of calm to wash over himself. He can do this. He has to do this.

* * *

The sunset casts an orange glow on Koushi’s hand as he curls it into a fist. He holds it over Tooru’s door, not being able to make contact with it as if there were an invisible wall barring him from the inside. He takes a deep breath, knowing that he doesn’t have any other option. He’ll stand here all night if that’s what it takes to build up the courage to knock on that door.

Luckily, it doesn’t take all night. Koushi thinks about the small chance that Tooru’s eyes will light up like they always do when he sees him, and knocks once, twice, three times on his door.

With bated breath, he waits for the door to swing open and reveal the person he’s come to see. But it doesn’t open. The taste of disappointment starts to creep up his throat and makes his mouth go dry. He doesn’t know why he thought Tooru must be at home. Maybe he’s with someone else. 

A spark of jealousy flashes through him, and he finds himself pounding on the door as hard as he can.

“Tooru!” he shouts, face nearly pressed up against the wood. “It’s me, Koushi!” He keeps knocking until his fist turns red. He pulls back with a hiss and rubs his hand, just about to give up hope, when he hears the door unlock. The door creaks open the slightest bit to reveal a single one of Tooru Oikawa’s eyes.

“Don’t you know when to give up?” the boy sighs. Koushi finds himself at a loss for words, only able to stand there cradling his hand with his mouth half open. No light comes out from behind the door, and Koushi is only able to make Tooru out by the soft remnants of light from the sunken sun. Even with only that, he can tell something is wrong. But with the relief of _finally_ having Tooru standing in front of him, Koushi’s no longer able to hold onto his sympathy.

“No!” he cries out, face going red. “Do you have any idea how worried I am?!” The small visible part of Tooru’s face doesn’t change. “Three days! You haven’t talked to me in three days!” Tooru says nothing, but swings the door open to fully reveal himself. Koushi can’t keep his eyes from widening. He doesn’t know what he’d expected to find here, but it hadn’t been this. 

Even with the lack of light, Koushi can make out heavy bags under Tooru’s eyes. His hair has lost it’s usual pomp, and instead hangs dully over his forehead. His lips are pulled into his usual sweet smile, but it doesn’t reach the rest of his face. All that considered, Koushi still finds him beautiful.

“I know,” he says flatly. He says nothing else. Koushi doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say, or what to think. He can’t think, with Tooru looking down at him like that, so close that he has to crane his neck to meet his gaze. His thoughts start to spiral again, and he can’t pull himself out. What’s going through Tooru’s head? What’s wrong with him? Why does he sound so annoyed? Why—

Tooru heaves a sigh and grabs Koushi’s hand. With a yelp, Koushi is pulled into the room, and before he can make sense of what’s happening, Tooru shuts the door and plunges them into complete darkness.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he admits. The sound of his footsteps lead to where Koushi knows his bed is. Koushi follows him, walking slowly, not quite as sure of the space as Tooru is. He blinks heavily to get his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. 

Tooru feels the mattress shift as Koushi sits down next to him. He buries his head in his hands, unable to look up and meet his eyes. The shame is overwhelming. He’s honestly shocked that Koushi is here. He probably wouldn’t have shown up, if Koushi had treated him this way. He knows Koushi is hurt, and he knows there’d been a million better ways to handle this situation. He’d spent the last three days in this exact spot, with the lights off just like this, staring at the sliver of light coming in through the peephole on his door. He’d watch the light wax and wane, turn from orange to yellow to white over and over again, as if entire days were passing in the span of minutes. The whole time his thoughts had been urging him, begging himself to please just get up and make it out the door. To make things right before it would be too late.

But he couldn’t. As hard as he’d tried, he couldn’t get his body to listen. Even though his mind had been racing faster and faster as the clock ticked on, his arms and legs had only grown heavier. He’d been trapped. Completely helpless to rescue himself. And now Koushi is here, and he doesn’t know what to say to fix this. He doesn’t know where to begin to explain everything. He doesn’t know how he expects Koushi to forgive him. And so he curls deeper into himself and says nothing.

“You could have told me,” Koushi says from beside him, voice soft like a warm breeze. Tooru clings onto that sound. Finally, another voice besides his own. He forces his thoughts to silence themselves, hanging on desperately to that voice.

“I know.” That’s all he can bring himself to say, because it’s true. He knows that. He’s spent hours, maybe days at this point, thinking about how he would tell Koushi to come rescue him. His cloudy mind had come up with hundreds of different scenarios with even more outcomes. Some of them had happy endings. Most of them didn’t.

Koushi doesn’t say anything. He’d known something was wrong with Tooru, but… he hadn’t been prepared for this. His heart breaks at the sound of his tired, defeated voice. His mind is racing trying to figure out the best next move. Part of him wants to get angry. To demand what’s wrong and why Tooru thinks he’s has to suffer alone like this. But he knows that’s not the right reaction. Another part of him wants to say all the right words, to make everything better with a single whisper. That’s not realistic either. So, Koushi simply listens to his instincts and hugs him. 

Tooru’s heart skips a beat as Koushi’s arms wrap around him. He breathes in deeply, inhaling the faint sweetness of the cologne that Koushi always wears. A familiar warmth spreads through him wherever Koushi’s body is touching him, but it’s never felt like this before. It grounds him, takes him out of head. Suddenly, the universe is not just Tooru Oikawa and his thoughts, but in that instant it’s expanded to include Koushi Sugawara, with his face buried into Tooru’s neck and his limbs holding him tight against his chest, refusing to be ignored. 

“I’m so sorry,” Tooru mumbles, a sudden wave of emotion taking hold of him. A mix of sadness, anger, relief, and gratitude. Without trying to stop it, his eyes fill up with warm, comforting tears. They threaten to spill over as Koushi laughs into him softly, his breath dancing over his skin. 

“Sorry,” Koushi before Tooru can protest. “I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you apologize for anything before.” Tooru pouts down at Koushi, who’s looking up at him with big, round eyes that cut straight through to his heart even in the dim light of his room. He can’t help but smile back at him. It feels weird, like he can’t quite remember how. But it feels good.

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” he sneers, but it comes out so soft and syrupy that he almost doesn’t recognize his voice.

“I’ll do my best.” Something about Koushi’s smile snaps him back to reality, which is what he’s been trying to do for days. His eyes widen, and he gulps in a breath of air, as if it were his first time tasting the freshness of oxygen. He lets his lungs fill with little pieces of the outside world, the air, his room, his clothes, Koushi. It’s all clear now. Everything feels real again. His thoughts are quieter. 

Well, maybe not quite. He senses it still; not everything is resolved. But for now he can manage. Naturally, with his newfound lucidity, he realizes what sort of state he’s in. A blush springs onto his face as he breaks out of Koushi’s embrace.

“I’m going to take a bath.”

“Oh, okay.” Koushi’s glad to see him acting a bit more like himself, although he’s shocked that the shift happened so fast. He barely even did anything. It makes him think that whatever is wrong with Tooru isn’t really fixed. 

He clasps his hands together as Tooru stands up. Koushi stays seated on the bed. Should he go? But he wants to stay, he _needs_ to stay, for his own sanity. But, he doesn’t want to intrude anymore than he already has—

“You’re staying, right?” Tooru says, as he grips the doorknob to the bathroom, back facing Koushi. A massive wave of relief washes over him.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” After Tooru closes the door and disappears, Koushi falls back on the bed and lets go of a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. Everything’s okay. Tooru’s okay, or at least he’s going to be okay, as long as Koushi is here. 

He gets up and turns on the light. It stings for a moment, but then his vision clears to reveal the state of Tooru’s apartment. Koushi lets a curse slip out under his breath. It’s a disaster. Clothes are strewn everywhere, the trash is overflowing with instant noodle cups and protein bar wrappers, and a pile of dishes sticks out precariously from the sink. He mentally scolds Tooru for letting things get this bad, and then himself for not doing anything sooner.

Koushi takes it upon himself to make the place habitable once again. He only has good memories in this room. Coming over for the first time to watch a movie, with no intentions other than that. Looking back on it, he can’t believe he’d been so naive. The whole night, Tooru had been inching closer and closer to him, and Koushi had been keenly aware. But he’d also thought perhaps he’d just been imagining it. That is, until Tooru had wrapped his arm around him. He hadn’t even pulled that move used in cheesy movies, pretending to yawn or whatever. No, he’d just gone right for it, smirking down at Koushi with complete confidence. Koushi had hated how easy he’s able to make him come undone, but he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t love it just as intensely. 

There’d been other times where Tooru had cooked for him. He isn’t that great of a cook, but Koushi always devours whatever he makes as if it were his favorite food. Then there were the times where the two of them would lie awake in his bed, talking about everything and nothing in hushed voices. Or sit outside his front door, chatting and people watching as the sun would sink and the glow of street lights would flood the world in an electric wash. 

Koushi had really thought he knew Tooru. But now, seeing a place that could bring him such profound comfort in a state of disarray like this, he questions whether he really knows him at all. He shakes the thought out of his head. Of course he does. There’s parts of him deep down that Tooru hasn’t seen either. That doesn’t change anything between them.

Koushi starts with the clothes, and then the trash, when the thought hits him that Tooru probably hasn’t been eating very much. He peeks in the cupboards and goes through his fridge, but there isn’t much save for some expired eggs and bread and pre-workout powder. Koushi grimaces. There isn’t a lot he can do with that. He pulls out his phone and orders from the nearest take-out place. He already knows what Tooru wants, and even if he hadn’t known, he’s not giving Tooru an option. He’s eating.

Speaking of Tooru, he’s been gone a while. Koushi goes over to the bathroom door, hesitates for a moment, and knocks softly. 

“Come in!” Tooru’s voice comes muffled through the wood, but it sounds much more upbeat than earlier. Much more like himself. Koushi swings the door open without a second thought, assuming he must be done. He is not.

Koushi can’t keep his face from warming up as Tooru grins at him from the bathtub, hanging out the side with his arms crossed. Bubbles reach up to his chest, but his muscular arms and shoulders draw Koushi’s attention immediately. He has to force himself to look up to meet Tooru’s smug, sparkling eyes. 

“What is it?” Tooru asks innocently.

“I—um—” Koushi swallows hard and forces himself to get a grip. “I ordered food. You know you need to eat to survive, right?” Tooru slumps and rests his chin on his arms.

“News to me.” His eyebrows perk up, and Koushi senses he’s in danger. “Can you do something for me?”

“Of course,” Koushi nods, happy to help in any way he can. Tooru flashes him a smile before turning around and sinking into the bath.

“You should wash my hair.” Koushi stares at the back of his head, grateful that Tooru can’t see him turn bright red. 

“S-sure,” he says, unable to think of anything witty in return and unwilling to express just how much he likes the idea of that. He kneels down behind Tooru, rolling his sleeves up while trying to pull himself together. Tooru Oikawa does _not_ get to reduce him to a puddle that easily.

“You’re cute when you let your guard down,” he says as he dumps a cup of warm water over Tooru’s head. The other boy doesn’t turn around to face him, so Koushi can’t see his expression, but he can tell by the lack of immediate reaction that Tooru is flustered. He soaks up as much satisfaction as he can. 

“You think?” Tooru murmurs as Koushi rubs shampoo into his head, brushing the tips of his fingers against his scalp in little circles. Tooru says nothing, but the feeling sends sparks all over his body.

“Mhm.” A deep grin spreads across Koushi’s face as he notices traces of pink creep onto Tooru’s ears and down his neck. It gives him a confidence boost. Without thinking, he finds himself bending down to brush a kiss against Tooru’s neck. His soap smells like apples. It’s invigorating. 

“When did you get this bold?” Tooru asks, trying to keep his voice level. Koushi sees right through him.

“I’ve learned a thing or two from you.” Tooru turns around to glare at Koushi. His cheeks are deep red.

“You think you’re _so_ smooth, don’t you?” Koushi nods with a grin. Even with shampoo suds in his hair and his face glowing pink, Koushi can’t wrap his mind around how gorgeous he is. “You’re blushing,” Tooru fights back, but Koushi is far too content to be bothered by it.

“You are too,” he laughs. Tooru lets out a gasp and whips around to hide his face.

“It’s just the heat!” He sinks down into the water to pout.

“Whatever you say.”

The doorbell rings as Koushi is finishing rinsing the shampoo out of Tooru’s hair. He dries his hands off and tells Tooru to come out whenever he’s done. As soon as Koushi has shut the door behind him, Tooru plunges himself into the bath, ignoring the burn of the water against his face, to let out a muffled scream. Wow, just wow. Wow. It’s all he can think. The image of Koushi’s warm smile with dusted pink cheeks and a soft shine from the humidity of the bath won’t stop playing behind his eyes. And he isn’t bothered by it.

However… something else is bothering him. But, before he lets himself go down the rabbithole, he remembers Koushi is waiting for him with food. He doesn’t even know what kind of food, but just the idea of eating makes his stomach rumble. He can’t even remember the last time he ate. 

Tooru drains the bath and slips into a clean t-shirt and sweatpants. It feels nice. He feels refreshed. Like he can finally breathe easy. He opens the door to the main room, and a rush of cool air brushes against his damp hair. Koushi’s waiting for him with two takeout containers in hand in a spotless apartment.

“You cleaned?” Tooru says. This is a foreign feeling to him. He can’t quite figure out how to react. Koushi flashes a smile his way.

“You’re welcome.”

“T-thank you.” Tooru rubs the back of his neck. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I did.” Koushi gestures to the front door. “I thought we could eat outside,” he says. Tooru nods. He appreciates this boy far more than he could ever express.

They sit on Tooru’s porch swing, both with their feet up on the bench, legs interlocked. The sun has set and the stars are out, only outshone by the yellow rays of the streetlamps. Fireflies light up and fade away in the bushes across the street. It’s summer, and the slowly cooling heat feels very, very nice. 

Koushi had ordered him exactly what he would’ve asked for. How Koushi had remembered that this is his favorite, he has no idea. But he gladly scarfs it down, so fast that Koushi has to tell him to eat slower, because he doesn’t want to have to give him the Heimlich.

“Yessir,” Tooru says, face stuffed with rice and vegetables. Kouchi just glares back at him. But despite the outward hostility, Koushi is secretly relieved. Tooru seems just like his normal self again. Once again, he chastises himself for not coming over sooner. Compared to how things turned out, every fake outcome he’d been mulling over for the last three days had been a complete overreaction. Everything is fine. Tooru is fine. They’re fine. But he can’t help from wondering how long until things aren’t fine again.

“I owe you an apology,” Tooru says out of nowhere, breaking Koushi out of his thoughts. The silver haired boy looks up to see Tooru looking down into his empty takeout box.

“You already did apologize.” Koushi’s voice is soft and sincere. “Plus, you don’t owe me anything.” Tooru’s eyes snap up to meet Koushi’s.

“Yes I do.” He knits his eyebrows. “That was shitty of me.”

“It wasn’t your fault—”

“No, no, no.” Tooru interrupts him, throwing a finger up to shush him. Koushi blinks back with wide eyes. “Koushi Sugawara, I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you.” Tooru holds back a smirk watching the boy’s cheeks light up. It never gets old.

“W-well,” Koushi stutters, stabbing his chopsticks into his takeout container without actually thinking to pick up any food, “I forgive you.” His eyes whip back up to meet Tooru’s. They have that aggressive spark that never fails to make Tooru’s stomach do flips. “Just don’t do it again.” 

“You have my word,” Tooru smiles. Then, he tries to bring his foot up to touch Koushi’s nose. Koushi screams in disgust and throws one of his chopsticks at Tooru, who is too busy dying with laughter to care.

“You’re staying tonight, right?” Tooru asks once they’re back inside, throwing their containers in the recycle bin. Koushi suppresses a sigh of relief as the not-offer reaches his ears.

“Of course.”

A little later they find themselves in bed, mindlessly watching whatever they could find on TV. Koushi’s arms are wrapped around Tooru, a pair of their hands intertwined. Tooru’s hair is dry now, and it feels so, so soft against Koushi’s cheek. He still smells like apples. 

Tooru can feel Koushi’s heart beating against his back. It’s sweet. Far sweeter than is warranted considering that he’d just ghosted him for three days. Tooru lets a sigh escape his mouth before he realizes it.

“What’s wrong?” Koushi asks. His voice is a faint murmur, but Tooru can feel the rumble of his chest through his t-shirt.

“I’m upset with myself,” he answers, a little surprised at his own honesty. 

“Why’s that?”

“A couple reasons.” Tooru’s suddenly shy. It’s another foreign feeling for him. But now that Koushi has a hold on this part of him, he knows he’s not getting away that easily.

“Let’s start with the first one.” The monochrome light of the TV flickers in front of him. He focuses on Koushi’s hand wrapped around his, and takes a deep breath.

“I should have told you.” Koushi lets out a little chuckle.

“You already apologized for that.”

“I know,” Tooru says, but he can’t help but frown. “But that’s not enough. You should be mad at me.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“I really don’t deserve you.”

“Maybe not.” A spark of annoyance flashes through Tooru. He can say it, not Koushi. “But you’re stuck with me.” His irritation leaves as quickly as it had come. Nevermind. His heart speeds up and he hopes the other boy can’t tell.

“Okay,” Koushi starts, not needing a response. “The next reason?” Tooru nearly lets a curse slide out under his breath. Koushi is a little too good at caring about people.

“I-It’s hard to talk about,” he mutters, bringing Koushi’s hand up to his chest. Koushi squeezes his hand. 

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “You can tell me anything.”

“I know.” Tooru takes a deep breath and tries to calm his erratic thoughts enough to be able to get the right words out. “It’s just that… I’m angry at myself. For not being able to snap myself out of it on my own.”

Kouchi takes a moment to reflect on his words. He’s never heard his voice sound so pure, so unaffected by any ulterior motive. This is as raw as Tooru Oikawa gets. And he wraps his arms tighter around the boy.

“I don’t see why that matters,” Kouchi says against Tooru’s ear, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“It does to me.” Tooru grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. “What would I have done if you weren’t here?” Koushi’s heart breaks in two at the agony in the other boy’s voice. He shifts so that Tooru is on his back and he’s propped up over him so he can see his face.

“You would have figured it out.” Koushi means what he says. But from the way Tooru looks up at him and frowns, he knows the boy doesn’t buy it. Koushi sighs and untangles Tooru’s hand from his to cup his cheek. He can be so stubborn when he wants to be. 

“You would have. But, even so, you don’t have to do everything by yourself, you know.” He brushes his thumb across Tooru’s skin. It’s far too soft.

“I don’t know how to do things any other way.” Tooru looks up at him with wide eyes, vulnerable and scared. 

“I’ll teach you,” Koushi says, and then he leans down and presses his lips against Tooru’s. Only for a brief moment. The sight of the boy under him, lips parted and eyes big. “Do you trust me?” 

“Absolutely,” Tooru answers without a second thought, and in the same instant he brings his hands up to Koushi’s face to pull him back down. One of his hands sneaks back to brush through Koushi’s hair. 

“Okay,” Koushi gasps after a bit, pulling himself away. Tooru looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Now you have to promise me—” He pants, gulping in a breath of cool air. “—promise me that you’ll tell me next time this happens.”

“I promise,” Tooru says automatically, too enamored by the sight above him to even consider the alternative. Koushi frowns down at him, unable to tell what’s really going through the boy’s head.

“You don’t believe me,” Tooru sighs. He moves his arms to rest behind his head. “That’s fair.”

“I want to believe you.” Koushi traces a finger in random shapes against his chest. He’s not sure how to feel. Tooru watches his finger move over the material of his t-shirt and feels the warmth seeping into his side from Koushi’s body. The other boy’s lips are pulled into a tight pout, and Tooru realizes just how much of a mistake he’s made.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” The revelation comes out of nowhere. Tooru himself is surprised to hear the words leave his mouth, but he doesn’t show it. Koushi freezes and looks back at him with his mouth hanging open. It’s very cute.

“Y-you mean that?” he stammers. Tooru nods, unable to keep himself from smiling.

“Mhm.” Koushi buries his head into the crook of Tooru’s neck.

“You have to warn me before you do that.” Tooru can barely make out what he’s saying, but he gets the gist. He lets out a laugh and rubs a hand over Koushi’s back. 

“Sorry, Kou.” Koushi lets out another strangled protest, but Tooru doesn’t catch it this time. Tooru’s reveling in the feeling of being able to fluster the other boy so easily when he whips his head up, taking Tooru by surprise. His eyebrows are drawn together in a look of pure determination.

“I love you, but you’re an idiot.” Tooru’s heart stops, he’s pretty sure. Now, he’s the one at a loss for words. _I-I love you?_ Koushi’s voice plays over and over again in his head. He was supposed to say that first!

Koushi heavily enjoys watching Tooru sputter the way he does. It might be easy for Tooru to get to him, but if he’s being honest, catching Tooru off-guard is even easier.

“I love you too!” Tooru finally manages to spit out, his tone carrying none of Koushi’s sweetness and all of his natural aggression. “I mean—” He realizes this and pauses to suck in a breath of air. “I love you too.” It comes out much better this time.

“I mean it,” Koushi says, pressing a kiss against Tooru’s forehead. And Tooru wraps his arms around the other boy, and he wonders how he’d ever thought that this boy wouldn’t be able to make everything better.

“I mean it too.” 


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you WatermelonWorms for this idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this fic wasn't originally going to have an epilogue, but their comment convinced me hehe <3

“I want you to tell them about me.”

Tooru’s voice carries across the room and takes Koushi by surprise, so much that he nearly drops the spatula in his hand. He twists his head around to catch Tooru with his legs crossed and propped up on the dining table, fiddling with the string of his hoodie.

“Huh?” Koushi says with all the elegance in the world. The smell of pancakes hangs in the air as Tooru grins back at him.

“Your team. I want them to know.” Koushi turns back around to flip the contents of the pan. A blush springs onto his face, but he can’t hold back a frown.

“What makes you say that?”

“I want to tell people about my boyfriend.”  _ Boyfriend _ ?! That’s the first time either of the two have used the b-word. It makes Koushi’s frown wash away in an instant.

“I don’t remember you asking me to be your boyfriend.” The word feels good rolling off his tongue. It feels easy. Natural. Tooru heaves a melodramatic sigh, and his chair screeches as he gets up from the table.

Koushi’s stomach does a flip as Tooru comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin on Koushi’s shoulder.

“Those look so good,” he hums in reference to the pancakes frying on the stove.

“Don’t get too excited.” Koushi nudges him with the side of his head. “They’re from a box I found in the back of your cupboards.” Tooru lets out a little laugh that sends butterflies resonating through Koushi’s whole body. He bites his lip to keep himself from smiling too big. 

“Sooo…” Tooru drawls, swaying back and forth, pulling Koushi along with him. “Are you my boyfriend?” Koushi pauses, debating whether or not he should give Tooru exactly what he wants. It only takes him a moment to decide that he might as well. Tooru deserves it.

“Yup.” 

“And am I your boyfriend?”

“That’s how that works.” Tooru squeezes Koushi tighter and lets out a groan.

“I want to hear you say it!” he cries. Koushi snorts and scoops the pancakes out of the pan and onto a plate. 

“Say what?” he says innocently, turning around to drape his arms over the other boys shoulders. Tooru looks down at him with his brows knitted together, but even he can’t hide a flush of red from his cheeks. 

“Are you this mean to other people?”

“Nope,” Koushi smiles, popping the ‘p’. Well, that’s certainly a lie, but Tooru doesn’t need to know that. The taller boy’s mouth twists into a pout.

“Then why do you have to do this to me,” he whines, drawing out the end of his sentence, as that’s the most important part.

“Because you’re my boyfriend, and I can do whatever I want.” Tooru’s face lights up as soon as the word leaves his mouth. He looks so cute it makes Koushi want to punch him. “Plus, you have a face that just makes me want to be mean to you.” 

“Huh?!” Tooru’s moment of bliss is killed just as soon as it’d come. He pulls away from Koushi to glare down at the other boy. “What does that mean?!” Koushi ignores the fumes coming out of Tooru’s ears and turns to divy up the pancakes with a shrug.

“I know!” Tooru exclaims, forcing himself back into Koushi’s field of vision. “I’m just  _ so _ handsome that you can’t stand it. Not to mention talented and successful.” A smug grin is prominent on his face as he waits for Koushi to admit defeat. Koushi has to stifle a laugh at his sheer confidence. He’s right. That’s exactly what Koushi thinks. And that just annoys him more.

“You can think that, yeah,” the silver-haired boy smiles and offers him his plate. Tooru takes it with a grumbled ‘thank you’ and gives Koushi a peck on the cheek. The little, insignificant sign of affection nearly makes Koushi fold over into a puddle on the floor, but he manages to keep himself on two feet.

Koushi watches as Tooru shovels bites of pancakes into his mouth, not even stopping for air. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to eat slower?” he complains, popping a forkful into his own mouth. They aren’t even that good, and, of course, Tooru doesn’t even have any syrup to make them better. Even worse, he doesn’t even find Tooru’s aggressive eating habits disgusting, like any other person would. He just thinks it’s cute.

Koushi sighs into his bland pancakes, a little too heavily. It’s enough to make Tooru stop mid-chew and raise an eyebrow.

“I hate you,” he pouts as his heart is on the brink of bursting. Tooru swallows and shakes his head with a smile.

“No, you love me.”

“I do not.”

“Well, you told me you love me, so…”

“I take it back.”

“No, you don’t.”

* * *

Daichi is the first person he tells. He’s the person he trusts most and the team, and if Daichi reacts badly, then everyone else most likely will. It takes him an entire practice to build up the courage. Actually, he doesn’t end up building up the courage. On the walk home, Daichi confronts him, asking why he’d been almost completely silent all of practice. And also had looked like he’d been about to throw up.

The confession comes out of Koushi like water bursting from a dam, with his fists clenched at his side and eyes tightly shut. He breathes a sigh of relief as soon as it's out, and then slowly opens his eyes to find Daichi doubled over laughing. Koushi is about to protest this indignation when Daichi reveals that he’d been suspecting that the entire time. Apparently, Koushi hadn’t been as stealthy as he’d thought. Maybe it had been asking Tobio one too many questions about the Seijoh setter that had tipped him off. 

The second person that he tells isn’t a part of his plan. He’d been thinking Asahi next, as he knows how understanding his friend is. But, the next day at practice Shouyou comes up to him and asks how things had gone with his friend. 

“Really good,” he smiles, unable to keep the unbridled joy out of his voice. Of course, Shouyou picks up on it right away.

“Oh!” he shouts, jumping up and down. “It’s a girl, isn’t it?! That’s why you were so upset!” Koushi nearly chokes at his word.

“No, that’s not it.” Shouyou’s upbeat energy doesn’t waver.

“It’s a boy then!” Koushi is so taken by surprise that he simply freezes, while Daichi lets out a laugh from the other side of the gym. Sound travels a little too easily in there. Koushi gives a sheepish nod.

“Who is it?!” Shouyou grins, his hands balled into fists. “Do I know him?” Koushi cuts Daichi off with a glare before he can notice. He just nods at Shouyou again, the name he needs to say getting caught in his throat. Taking in a breath of air, Koushi steadies himself and bends down to whisper into Shouyou’s ear.

“YOU’RE DATING THE GREAT KING?!”

* * *

The team had taken it pretty well. Well, after Koushi had convinced everyone that he was indeed serious, and wasn’t just trying to play a prank on them. They’re happy for him, they’d said, even if some (most) of them are judging his taste.

It’s at a practice match a couple weeks later that Karasuno and Aoba Johsai have their first meeting since the news had dropped. Koushi is the last person off the bus, having forgotten his water bottle somewhere between the seats. He hears them before he even walks into the gym.

“You—” Ryuunoske’s voice cuts through the air, laced with his dark, terrifying aura. “You better watch yourself.”

“You can’t even begin to imagine what we’ll do to you,” another voice—Daichi’s—chimes in, deep and intimidating. 

“If you so much as hurt one hair on his head…” Koushi steps through the gym doors as the words leave Yuu’s mouth. He has to bite his lip to hold back a laugh upon finding the sight in front of him.

Nearly the whole of his volleyball team has his boyfriend backed into a corner, each one with a glare that could kill. The rest of Aoba Johsai doesn’t seem too concerned. A few of them are even snickering from a safe distance. 

“Now, now, now,” Tooru starts with a shaky smile. “I think we’re forgetting the fact that I haven’t actually  _ done _ anything…”

“Doesn’t matter!” Shouyou shouts, whipping an accusing finger his way. “I’ll serve so many volleyballs into your head!”

“I’m terrified,” Tooru says with a roll of his eyes, before spotting Koushi. His eyes light up and a genuine grin spreads across his face. “Koushi! Can you tell your team that this is all unnecessary?”

Koushi stands behind the group, meets Tooru’s eyes, and shakes his head.

“No,” he says simply. “You’re the one who wanted this.” Tooru groans as Karasuno carries on with their jeering, somehow with even more energy than before, but he’s unable to pay any attention to them. Deep down, through the guise of his annoyance, his heart skips a beat, and he knows that he wants this more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, tysm for reading and if you feel like it, comments are always very very much appreciated <333333333

**Author's Note:**

> 1 comment = 1 happiness for oikawa  
> but fr thank you for reading!!!!!! <3333 its much appreciated


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